Nickelback

Dear Canada,

I can handle Alanis Morissette's angry Canadian bitch rock. I can handle Celine Dion (the greatest singer in zee world.) I even have a soft spot for Justin Bieber's oversexed Kid's Bop thing he has going on (in a non child-molester way.) But what on earth did the USA do to deserve Chad Kroeger's Jesus mullet and 50+ different versions of the same audio vomit he likes to call "songs?"

Are you guys still pissed about the 1980 Olympics hockey thing? NEWS FLASH: You won this year.

When I turn on the radio to find the soul crushing screaming of Chad (which, if you allow me to get imaginative with my similes, sounds like he has a small animal wrapped in sandpaper lodged in his throat but chooses to shout over it,) at best a piece of my soul dies and at worst, I'm not in control of radio and have to punch myself in the face to numb the pain until it ends.

BLAME CANADA.

Love,

Kirsten